I have to confess something, along with all my experience being a person in the human service field, I only know a small percentage of everything human service related. Now while reading that last statement, it might sound like a humble brag, “yes of course you don’t know anything, but you’re just striving to be the best, and blah blah blah.” When I hear this it sounds disingenuous and something you might have heard a lot of other people in the know (of any know) to say. But in this case, it’s totally real and not for lack of trying. In the case of masculinity, there’s not a lot out there. What has been said has been regurgitated in so many different forms and blog posts (including this one), that it’s becoming tiring.
If you’re a reader of healthy masculinity, then you’ve most likely encountered the same type of ideas
If you’re a reader of healthy masculinity, then you’ve most likely encountered the same type of ideas:
- The social construct has allowed males to act in a way in which they feel owed,
- This social construct has made it so rape culture is a prevalent norm,
- That the most important thing males can do is to call each other out when we’re engaging in toxic masculinity.
There’s only been a handful of posts that I have found something different that moved me. What annoys me (and sometimes I see it in myself) is that these type of talks and these type of posts there is a prevalent air of superiority, and simple mindedness. The feeling that once these ideas are out in the world, people can just take them and run with it. This allows the helpers to pat themselves on the back and say “There, I have solved the world of toxic masculinity! Yay!”
I have witnessed this type of superiority in many conferences and panels. People who are much smarter than me have ideas but no approach. Allowed to get an applause for saying things like “we need to call males out more often” but not realize or understand how tough that might be in a social construct where that form of talk is abnormal. Therefore, this turns into preaching.
Realize or understand how tough that might be in a social construct where that form of talk is abnormal.
One of the main reasons why I started this podcast was to help other males have a conversation for themselves about their manhood, and what that really means. The approach part: how to have those conversations is just as important. The questions of why is it difficult, what are the barriers, what are the struggles are valid and allowed to take shape. Because it’s not easy, especially now in a world full of rhetoric and sensationalism. I know that I don’t know the answer and I want to be humble enough to say that there isn’t one main answer. That’s why I bring men of all types to have that conversation, and I hope when you hear the podcast to understand that there isn’t one solid unified answer. I don’t think there ever will be.
The other aspect to this, is the lack of research revolving around male gender studies. There is a lot of research about female genders and the struggles they endure, as well as the LGBTQ community, and there should be; It’s been high time where we pay attention to those communities and how to help them. But the problem of toxic masculinity which has a lot of roots in feminist theory and queer studies, is barely represented. As a person heavily involved in this, I don’t want to do anymore preaching. This allows the people who are on the fringes to fall to the toxic side, to be defensive, and to lose their empathy for the side that’s hurting. I’m going to do my best in bringing the most accurate and important information I have during the podcast without judgement, and with more of an approach level. My goal is to have the show go weekly instead of bi-weekly, and for the shows in between the interviews are information based. This will include the best people that I know, telling you things that hopefully you don’t know, or if you do, then enhance your view. This will also allow people of all genders to participate in the program.
[Preaching] allows the people who are on the fringes to fall to the toxic side, to be defensive, and to lose their empathy for the side that’s hurting.
My wonderful friend Megan has a blog about health, and as the awesome millennial she is, has a very cool Instagram account. I thought before about adding an Instagram for the pod, and at the start it didn’t make sense to me, “how can I put a visual to something that is mostly audio?” Megan showed me that it’s all about inspiration and hashtags. In the Instagram account, the purpose will be vision quests in your journey to a healthy manhood. Hopefully this will bring more people to subscribe to the pod, be part of the show, or just think and live their own healthy manhood. Ideas and inspiration, and the people that bring them.
Join me through Instagram @modernmanpod, on Twitter @modernmanpod, or on Facebook @modernmanpod.
Easy peasy, right?