Rejection: The Killer and the Savior

Self-Criticism is the killer of self-compassion, and you know what kills self-compassion the most: rejection. But I have stressed before, and in public, that without rejection we wouldn’t have the great pieces of art in the world. Sometimes, rejection is a blessing in disguise, and what makes spiritual people say “There’s a reason for everything.” You see, when we are rejected, and not necessarily by a loved one, it can be a family member, a friend, a career,  when we’re rejected we tap into a very primal instinct of ours. One of emotional survival, something that is so strong we feel it in our gut. We fear rejection so much that some have taken to not form any strong connections at all, fearing that one day they will be broken. It’s the same fear we have of avoiding climbing tall buildings. But the fear of rejection will never stop rejection.

As males, there’s another barrier we face, the one we face in many different ways, the dreaded gender box. The gender box we’re in tells us that males are not supposed to be weak, that we can handle all, and not cry about it. The only time we should feel vulnerable is when our team loses, or we lose a loved one. Therefore rejection is something we should not worry about if we’re “actual” men.

Depending on how we handle rejection though is what makes us human, even with regards to other social animals. After all, rejection is very much a social problem. Animals can reject another animal completely from their tribe and they would be doomed to death, humans have the ability and privilege to seek out new tribes. Hence connection is the key to surviving rejection. Self-compassion can be the key to withstanding rejection, but vulnerability is the key to self-compassion. Understanding your worth as a person and not just as a man. Self-compassion means understanding your thoughts and not fight your feelings.

The thing is with rejection is that two forms will arise, a person that will reach for a hand or reach for a bottle (or another form of abuse). Great or terrible things can happen after rejection, depending on your scale of self-compassion or self-criticism. Be nice to yourself, you never know, you could make our next great art.

 

 

Episode 3: Matt Souch

On today’s episode we talk to Matt Souch, a mid twenties man working for media in Edmonton, inspired to make his life the best it can be, and doing things that “typical” mid twenties guys might not be doing. I loved his perspective on friendships and on his family. We will also highlight some of the events going on in #yeg!

Also if you want to help fund the start up of this podcast, please help me help you. Go to https://www.gofundme.com/modernmanpod to help.

Listen here:

You can also check out the twitter page @modermanpod

And please subscribe on iTunes, search for The Modern Manhood Podcast

Hi friends, I need some Funds

Hi everyone,

The thing is that I have already started the podcast, and you can listen to the first two episodes here (modernmanhoodpodcast.com ). The first two episodes have already been downloaded by more than a 100 people. But I noticed that for the show to be as successful as I want it to be, I would need more funds. Because that’s what I want to do, is to make this podcast as broad as possible and have the tools to do so. The problem is, this is something I want to be as far reaching as I can, and I don’t think I can do it with the money I have.

1) Tools for recording, specifically a portable digital recorder, a mixer, mics and tools (like stands, covers, etc)

2) Funds to be able to interview people at remote and interesting locations, like conferences, events, and out of town areas.

3) Funds to attend festivals and workshops for podcasting and to increase the network of the podcast.

4) Funds for software like Final Cut Pro, and for website and advertising fees.

This podcast is a gigantic passion project of mine, but it’s also something I feel this community needs and I hope it’s the start of something bigger not only for Edmonton but for the communities around it. I would be extremely thankful, and your names would be roll called on the show as much as I can.

Please check out the Go Fund Me page here: https://www.gofundme.com/24vwfhtc

Episode 2: Jason Garcia

Jason is a unique voice in that he is a queer, latino, feminist. So saying that I had to get him on the show to express his views on masculinity. He will talk about his culture, being a feminist, and campus life in Edmonton. If you want to have your voice heard, please email me at modernmanhoodpodcast@gmail.com

Check out the twitter account @modernmanpod and the Facebook page

Subscribe on iTunes at “The Modern Manhood Podcast”

Episode 1: Spencer Clarke

Hello, and welcome to the first ever episode of The Modern Manhood Podcast, supported by Men Edmonton. We begin the Modern Manhood Podcast speaking to Spencer Clarke, a musician, a husband, and a father about the struggles of raising a family, raising a child, and learning to make friends new and old. Along the way we speak about a stay at home dad, and Scottish kilts. I hope you like it, and if you want to be a part of the conversation, tweet at me @modernmanpod or send me an email at modernmanhoodpodcast@gmail.com

 

The Current state of Manhood

“Manhood is the defeat of childhood narcissism.” –David Gilmore

I will never state that I have grown up or be fully realized as an adult. Actually, I don’t know, I could by the time I’m 85 sitting in my chair recollecting the thoughts of all of my years finally say that yes I am an adult. There is an equal chance that I will laugh at myself and reject that thought too. But I will always try to be an adult, more specifically I will always try to be man knowing that I may never get there.

I truly believe the journey is the goal and that if I see a man striving very hard to let go of their childlike tendencies of narcissism, then he is a man. That I think is the biggest difference between being a man, and someone saying to “be a man.” No real man should ever accuse another man to be anything less than a man. In that accusation you lose your manhood.

I know for sure that in my journey to be more empathetic, more of an ally, it has been challenging. Just because it takes a whole lot of humble to hold down your guard, to understand that your experience and your knowledge has no basis in some arguments. This is something goes absolutely against what as a boy you were taught, explicitly and implicitly. Being able to stay silent, pondering, and most importantly listening is the hardest but most valuable lesson a man should learn.

I know that there a lot of men (boys really) that feel threatened right now because of modern feminism. And to those people that are frustrated at those threatened boys, trust me when I say they will all evolve or get lost in the historical dust. The rest of us will happily bury them

What is a Man? The start of TMMP

I’m so happy and proud to start up a new podcast with the help of Men Edmonton.This podcast will mostly concentrate on the lives and viewpoints of many different male voices talking about their own masculinity.

The biggest problem we have as males is that we don’t talk about our own experiences and problems about our own manhood.And that being a man in 2016 looks a lot different that it used to be, or that we think it is.
So how we balance being a father, a brother, a son, and an ally in the modern world? That’s what I want to talk about.

If you would like to be on the podcast to talk about masculinity and your experience pls email me at modernmanhoodpodcast@gmail.com